My Dysfunctinal Family
by Mekitsu
Summary: Jin does a projest where he has to interview his family on video for school.
1. The project starts

Disclaimer: I don't own it. There, I said it.  
  
Teacher: Ok, class, here's your cameras. Come up here and write down your name and the camera number on this sheet.  
  
Class: Yes teacher.  
  
The class walked up roboticaly to the front of the room to get their cameras.  
  
Teacher: And remember the rules, no swearing, anything obscene, or something else that's not school appropriate.  
  
Xiaoyu: (whispering to Jin) Better not record your dad then  
  
Jin: (whispering to Xiaoyu) Yah ^_^  
  
Teacher: (See's them talking) Anything you'd like ot share with the class??  
  
Xiaoyu and Jin: (embarassed) Heh, no teacher (sweatdrop)  
  
The bell rings  
  
Teacher: (Yelling over the noise) AND REMEMBER, THE TAPES ARE DUE ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
On the way home.....  
  
Xiaoyu: First I plan to video tape my Uncle. Then my mom. And after that, I plan to tape Panda. You?  
  
Jin: (stoped listening long ago) Huh, what???  
  
Xiaoyu: Who are you going to tape first??  
  
Jin: Oh, well, I guess i havent thought about it. Um, my mom first I guess, then my dad. Because they're required. And then my Uncle and maybe my Grandpa.  
  
Xiaoyu: It must be a bummer having such a dysfunctional family.  
  
Jin: Yah.  
  
Xiaoyu: Well, there's my street, BYE JIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (waving)  
  
(I know Xiaoyu lives in China, but hey, this is my story and here, she lives in Japan)  
  
Jin's front door  
  
Jin: (Looking into the camera)  
  
Camera: *REC*  
  
Jin: This is my family report and, well, this is my house-  
  
Camera: *Looks at Jins house*  
  
Jin: (Opens from door) -and this is the inside of my house-  
  
Camera: *Looks around the entrance of the Mishima Mansion*  
  
Jin: -actually, it's only part of it. (sweatdrop)  
  
Camera: *sweatdrop appears on screen*  
  
Jin: And to start off my report, I am going to interview my mom. Her name is Jun Kazama, and she is the nicest in my family. Let's see if I can find her.  
  
Camera: *Bobs up and down because Jin is walking rather fast to find his mom*  
  
Jin: (yelling) MOM!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?????  
  
Jun: KITCHEN JIN!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (Looking into camera) That's where my mom spends most of her time. In the kitchen.  
  
Camera: *All it see's is Jin's face*  
  
Jin: (walks into kitchen) Hey mom, we are doing this report and you need to ask these questions. (Whips out a piece of paper with questions typed on it)  
  
Jun: (sits down in a chair) Ok.  
  
Camera: *All it see's is Jun sitting in a chair*  
  
Jin: (reading from the paper) Ok, What is your job?  
  
Jun: Um, well, I used to work for the WWWC ( Is that right???) But now I guess you could call me a house wife.  
  
Jin: Ok, next question. Was your son and/or daughter a planned or unsuspected birth?  
  
Jun: (slightly embarassed and taken back) Um... well... I guess it was unplanned....... (more embarassed)  
  
Jin: (Slightly taken back by the questions and by the answer) O.K. (?) Um, are you cheating on your spouse?  
  
Jun: (slightly angry) What!? Never!... What kind of questions are those Jinny??? (Takes paper) Hmm. Ok, since there are only three questions left I'll let you ask them.  
  
Jin: (scared because he's never seen his mom mad before) Umm, ok. Are you going to, or plan to, have another child?  
  
Jun: (Really really wants a girl, still) Well, I did but your father said no.  
  
Jin: (not suprised) Ok, what is your flavor of ice cream??  
  
Jun: Vanilla  
  
Jin: And finally (YES!!!!) If you were an animal, what would you be and why?  
  
Jun: I think I'd be a rabbit, because they are SO CUTE!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (She reminds me of Ling!) Um, thank you mom, that's all I needed. Um, mom?  
  
Jun: Yes Jinny?  
  
Jin: Do you know where dad is??  
  
Jun: Living Room. But be careful, he's watching football.  
  
Jin: Ok, thank's mom.  
  
In the hallway  
  
Jin: Ok, I am sorry to all who hear this but I am not that good at editing so I don't know if I can edit this up-coming interview. Just to let you know.  
  
Camera: *nods in agreement*  
  
Jin: (staring at camera like, 'what the......')  
  
Camera: *Um, I mean, bobing up in down as Jin walks*  
  
Jin: (nods head in acception)  
  
Camera: *phew*  
  
Entrance to Living Room  
  
Jin: (Talking in a hoarse whisper, looking into camera, Blare Witch Style) Ok, my dads name is Kazuya Mishima, and if I don't survive this interview, I would like to leave all my stuff in a box and then give to Ling in 20 years.  
  
Camera: *Looks into Living room, where the TV is blaring and the lights are out*  
  
Jin: (yelling) DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
No answer...  
  
Jin: (screaming) DDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kazuya: WHAT??????????????  
  
Jin: (still screaming) TURN DOWN THE TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kazuya: WHAT???????????  
  
Jin: (fed up, goes over to turn off TV, does so)  
  
Kazuya: (angry) WHAT did you do that for???? The football team 1 were just about to score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
( I know NOTHING about football..... sorry..... _)  
  
Jin: So? You've seen them play before! Plus, I need you to answer these questions for school.  
  
Kazuya: (pointing to the camera) And what's that for??  
  
Camera: *scared that it's gonna get destroyed*  
  
Jin: Oh this??? (points to camera) It's for the project.  
  
Kazuya: What project?  
  
Jin: The questions.....  
  
Kazuya: Oh.  
  
Jin: Ok, question one, (these are different questions then Jun's questions, because it's a different person) If you could, would you kill your son and/or daughter.  
  
Kazuya: Hell yah.  
  
Jin: (not suprised) Ok, question two, why did you marry your spouse?  
  
Kazuya: We're not married.  
  
Jin: (Oh, so thats why they have different last names...) Um, question three, is the hokey pokey REALLY what it's all about?  
  
Kazuya: Which Hokey Pokey, the childs one or the good one?  
  
Jin: Uh, either one.  
  
Kazuya: Well, the kid's one leaves so much more to be imagined, but the other one??? Yah, that IS what it's all about.  
  
Jin: (T_T) Question four, what is your life's dream??  
  
Kazuya: To eat elephant meat.  
  
Jin: (shocked/extreamly suprised look on his face) WHAT??? I thought it was world domination!!!!!!!  
  
Kazuya: That was BEFORE I got the Food Network.  
  
Jin: Oh, ok, final question. What would you do if you had 1 billion dollars.  
  
Kazuya: But I HAVE a billion dollars.  
  
Jin: Ok, what would you do if you had ANOTHER billion dollars??  
  
Kazuya: Oh, well, then I'd buy the Food Network.  
  
Jin: Well, ok, that was all I needed to know. Thanks dad....  
  
Kazuya: Whatever.....  
  
Out in the hall.....  
  
Jin: (to camera) That went A LOT better than I thought it would go.  
  
Camera: (to itself) ....that's because your mom was standing in the doorway, watching him with an evil glare.  
  
Jin: What???  
  
Camera: (nervous sweatdrop) *shows Jin's face*  
  
Jin: thats better.... now the next person is my Uncle. His name is Lee Chaolan. And whatver you do, just don't stare at his pants.  
  
Camera:(i wonder why??)  
I thought this up in math. I'll add more if you review.  
  
No flames. Their not wanted.  
  
Thank you!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Lee's turn

Wow. You people actually kinda like this! (shocked) ^_^ Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: Tekken is not mine. (sticks tounge out)  
  
Jin: (running down halls) UNCLE LEE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Camera: *Bobbing up and down as Jin runs*  
  
Jin: (still running) UNCLE LEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Camera: *still bobbing up and down as Jin runs*  
  
Lee: (from down the hall) WHAT???  
  
Jin: (standing in middle of hall) WHERE ARE YOU?????  
  
Lee: MY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: OH, CAN I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS FOR SCHOOL??????  
  
Lee: WHAT???????  
  
Jin: I SAID, CAN I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS FOR---  
  
Kazuya: (from living room) SHUT UP!!!!!! FOOD NETWORKS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: SORRY!!!!!!!!! ( heads for Lee's foom)  
  
Camera: *All it see's is the floor. Jin has no camera skills*  
  
Jin: I said, can I interview you for a school project.  
  
Lee: Sure.  
  
Jin: Ok. (to camera, whispering) And like I said, don't look at the pants.  
  
Lee: Oh, hang on. (walks over and turns off another camera)  
  
Jin: What was that for?  
  
Camera: (to self) Wow, a female camera. (whistles to self) Look at that stand! (what are they called again? tripods???)  
  
Lee: Oh. Um... nothing nothing. Just a um...... documentry..... yah, a documentery.  
  
Jin: Riight. Well, here are the questions. Question one, are you gay???  
  
Lee: WHAT??? NO!!!  
  
Kazuya: (still in living room) YES HE IS!!!!!!!  
  
Camera: (to self) Why can't I look at the pants??? (looks at pants) OH MY GOD!!!!! (hypnotized by the pants)  
  
Jin: Um, ok, next question, what would you do if you had to heads???  
  
Lee: What kind of questions are these????  
  
Jin: Well, ok, you don't have to answer that question, but you have to tell me, what IS that camera for?  
  
Lee: Humph, look for your self.  
  
Jin: Ok.  
  
(on Lee's tape)  
  
Lee: I am single and looking for a woman who-  
  
(tape stops)  
  
Jin: ..................  
  
Lee: Pretty good huh.  
  
Jin: Uncle Lee, is that a dating video?  
  
Lee: Why yes it is. I hear they work well.  
  
Jin: Um... ok. But if you DID find a woman, where would you live???  
  
Lee: Why, here of course.  
  
Jin: Why? Couldn't you just move out????  
  
Lee: Why Jin I am appalled. Don't you want me here anymore?  
  
Jin: (no) Oh that's not it, I was just thinking that she wouldn't like it here with your whole family.  
  
Lee: That is true. Last time I had a girlfriend Kazuya scared her off by showing her his knife collection.  
  
Jin: O_o Um, can we just get on with the interview???? I'd rather not go into a story right now.  
  
Lee: Ok.  
  
Jin: Ok, where do you keep all of your money?  
  
Lee: Well, if I told you, then you'd know!  
  
Jin: Oh come on, you have to tell. It's for my school work! You don't want me to fail do you?  
  
Lee: Well, if it's for school, I guess I could tell you. (sighs) I hide my money in a pair of underwear that is actually a purse.  
  
Jin: ........................................... What?  
  
Lee: Yah, I had to make it for home ec.  
  
Jin: ............................................................................ ....................  
  
Lee: Oh man was the teacher suprised when she saw it. And Kazuya was even madder than the teacher was suprised when he got an F on his project.  
  
Jin: What did he make?  
  
Camera: (still hypnotized by the pants)  
  
Lee: Um, I think he made a case for his mace collection.  
  
Jin: Oh, well, I am going to ask two more questions and then I am done.  
  
Lee: Ok.  
  
Jin: At what age were you when you realized you were a boy?  
  
Lee: (what is up with these questions??) I knew it from the moment I was born.  
  
Kazuya: (from living room still) LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lee: SHUT UP!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: Ok, ok, last question. If your sibling died, would you care and what possession would you be most likely to take?  
  
Lee: No I would not care and I would take his wife and money.  
  
Jin: O_o  
  
Noise: STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP-  
  
Kazuya: (coming up hall) WHAT DID YOU SAY????  
  
Lee: Um, nothing???  
  
Kazuya: LIAR!!! (pounces on him and does that move where he punches them in the face while kinda sitting on them)  
  
Lee: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (backing out of door)  
  
Camera: (slowly recovering from hypnosis)  
  
Kazuya: (from room) THIS'LL TEACH YOU!!!!!!!  
  
Lee: (screaming) MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!! MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: O_O  
  
Camera: Go back in there, it's about your family and interesting!!!  
  
Jin: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! DEMON CAMERA DEMON CAMERA DEMON CAMERA DEMON CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Camera: -_-  
  
Jin: (about to throw camera on ground)  
  
Camera: Wait, wait, if you rub me, you get three wishes!!!  
  
Jin: No, I fell for that one once before. The blender said, stick your hand in here and you get three wishes. No, you are gonna die.  
  
Camera: No!!! Um, your project!  
  
Jin: Huh?  
  
Camera: Yah, your project! If you destroy me, you won't get your project and will have to start from scratch.  
  
Jin: Oh, well, then I will just eject the tape. (puches eject button)  
  
Tape: (still in the Camera)  
  
Jin: Hey, why won't it come out????  
  
Camera: Like I said, you destroy me, you destroy your project.  
  
Jin: Grrr.... fine, you win. I won't destroy you. (thinking) Yet.  
  
Camera: Ok, now while we are on the topic, keep this under wraps. I don't want anyone else to know about this.  
  
Jin: Umm, ok???? (thinking) Am I going crazy?  
  
Camera: Ok, now let's go find your grandpa.'  
  
Jin: Hey, I give the orders around here. Not you.  
  
Jun: (from kitchen) JINNY, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO?????  
  
Jin: UH, NO ONE MOM!!!!!!  
  
Jun: OH, OK!!!!!!  
  
Jin: Phew, that was close.  
  
Heihachi is next ok? But will it end there? Maybe maybe not.  
  
My friend thought of the whole, 'Lee's pants hypnotize people if they stare at them'. Just to give her some credit. ^_^ Remember to review!!!!! 


	3. Time for Heihachi Hmm

Wow, I gots reviews! Yay!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Tekken isn't mine. Darn.  
  
Jin: GRANDPA!!!!!  
  
Camera: Where do you think he is???  
  
Jin: Shut up you stupid.... thing...  
  
Camera: One more insult out of you and say good bye to your report and hello to an 'F'.  
  
Jin: Fine.... GRANDPA!!!!!!!  
  
Heihachi: WHAT????  
  
Jin: WHERE ARE YOU?????  
  
Heihachi: I DON'T KNOW!!!!! BUT IT'S DARK AND COLD!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (to self) Eh, the basement..........  
  
Heihachi: I CAN'T OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (still to self) Dad must've locked him in the basement again.....  
  
Kazuya: (running down the stairs) DON'T LET HIM OUT!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: I HAVE TOO!!!!!!  
  
Kazuya: (now in his face) Don't. let. him. out.  
  
Jin: Well I HAVE too. If not, I will fail my project.  
  
Kazuya: So?  
  
Heihachi: (still locked in basement) HELP! IT'S DARK IN HERE AND I THINK I WENT TO THE BATHROOM!!!!!!  
  
Jin and Kazuya: O_o  
  
Jin; So can I let him out?  
  
Kazuya: No.  
  
Jun: (from kitchen) KAZUYA! Come here right now, you have some explaining to do.  
  
Kazuya: T_T COMING!!! But if you DO let him out....... (snaps a twig in half)  
  
Jin: (muttering) Oh, I am soo scared...  
  
Heihachi: IS HE GONE YET?????  
  
Jin: (opening door) I can here you fine, you don't have to yell.  
  
Heihachi: OK JIN!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: Ow, my ears.....  
  
Camera: (to self) What a nut case family.  
  
Jin: Ok Grandpa, can I ask you a few questions?  
  
Heihachi: Why???  
  
Jin: For school.  
  
Heihachi: Sure! Anything for the line of duty.  
  
Jin: Uh, sure Grandpa. But ok. First question...  
  
Heihachi: Ask away.  
  
Jin: Ok, what would you do if-  
  
Heihachi: Is this the question?  
  
Jin: ........ yes, this is the question.  
  
Heihachi: What question?  
  
Jin: This one, now shut up.  
  
Heihachi: Ok.  
  
Jin: Good, ok, now what would you do if you had a llama? (did i spell that right???)  
  
Heihachi: .......................  
  
Jin: Ok, that was the question.  
  
Heihachi: What question?  
  
Jin: IF YOU HAD A LLAMA, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH IT?????  
  
Heihachi: Oh, was that the question?  
  
Jin: Yes. Now Just.... (sigh) answer it.  
  
Heihachi: Ok, I think I would join a club about llamas, and then read a book about llamas, then maybe ride it. And after I was done riding it, I would shave off it's fur, make a hat out of it -(think Uncle Buck type hat)- and then I would feed it to Kazuya.  
  
Jin: O_o Ok, let's try and remember to edit that out......  
  
Heihachi: WHERE'S THE NEXT QUESTION??????  
  
Jin: OK!!!! Here it is, how are you feeling right now?  
  
Heihachi: Wet.  
  
Jin: Wet?  
  
Heihachi: Yes, wet.  
  
Jin: (doesn't know if he should be worried) Um, ok.........  
  
Heihachi: Can I ask the next question?  
  
Jin: No...  
  
Heihachi: Ok then ask the next question.  
  
Jin: Fine then, what is your favorite flavor of coffee?  
  
Heihachi: Coffee? Oh that's and easy one, coffee flavored coffee.  
  
Jin: No, that's not a flavor.  
  
Heihachi: Yah it is, coffee flavored coffee.  
  
Jin: I know, how about we cut this interview short.  
  
Heihachi: WHAT INTERVIEW!!!!!!  
  
Kazuya: (skids into the doorway, pointing at Jin... or Heihachi, I can't tell) You.  
  
Heihachi: Me?  
  
Kazuya: You.  
  
Jin: Me?  
  
Kazuya: (startes to run in for a tackle)  
  
Jin: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!  
  
Jun: (from kitchen) JIN!!! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!!!!  
  
Jin: SORRY MOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! (dives out of the way)  
  
Kazuya: (tackles Heihachi back into the basement) YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heihachi: AHHH!!!!!  
  
Thump  
  
Kazuya: (hits head on stair) SHIT!  
  
Jun: KAZUYA!!!  
  
Thump  
  
Heihachi: MY HIP!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: (to camera) Ok, let's get out of here. Now.  
  
Camera: But this is GREAT footage!!!  
  
Jin: But- (cut off by a huge lazer beam going right past his head)  
  
Camera: Oh, I see your point.  
  
Jin: *huff* Ok, *weeze* that was- *gasp* - my family.......................  
  
Camera: Oh, you mean that's it????  
  
Jin: Yah, I guess..... I'm all out of questions and people to interview.  
  
Camera: Oh. Well, what about your friends???  
  
Jin: Hmm.... that IS A good idea.  
  
Camera: Well duh.  
  
Jin: Yah, I think I will do that. Hmm, and I think I will get extra credit for it too.  
  
Camera: Ok, now, where should we start?  
  
Jin: Whoever we run into first I guess..  
  
Jun: (standing behind Jin) And WHO are you talking too??  
  
Jin: Um, my imaginary friend.  
  
Jun: And he lives in the camera?  
  
Jin: Ummmm.... yah!!!  
  
Jun: Ok, whatever keeps you happy.  
  
Jin: Uh, yah!  
  
Jun: But I still worry about your father.  
  
Jin: What ever do you mean???  
  
Kazuya: (back watching Food Network) YAH!!!!!!!!! CHEF KENICHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (watching Iron Chef)... (did I get the Chefs name right????)  
  
Jin: Oh.  
  
Jun: Well, go on, have fun with your friend. ^_^  
  
Jin: Uh, yah mom.  
  
Jin: (now walking outside) Ok, I am going to interview whoever I see first.  
  
Camera: Fine by me. And if they are as crazy as your family is, you should get an 'A'.  
  
Jin: Yah, I know. (thinking) Stupid camera....  
  
Will Jin interview next? *shrugs* I dunno. *sweatdrops*  
  
A/N And for those who have read 'Disasters in Babysitting', I haven't been able to update because I am stumped on what to do next. I mean, I know what I want them to do but I can't think of HOW to write it. If it would be ok, I will just change it to a script type story like this one. Then I could get it updated more often and it will be a bit eaisier for me to write. So if it is ok, just e-mail me if it is. Ok? Thanks.  
  
Remember to review on the way out!!!! 


End file.
